Meeting Meditation
At this very moment we are all participating in a collective re-evaluation. It’s already becoming cliche to say, but people are being forced to slow down and examine each of their priorities, relationships, and professional goals. Without romanticizing this pandemic or the epic financial and emotional loss that many are navigating, it is still useful to point out that if nothing else, we’ve been gifted time. Time—to take stock of our lives and how far we’ve come. Time—to make a plan, reconfigure, and determine how we are going to move forward together. While the energy on earth is shifting, we are being encouraged to be still (where we are now) and then move deeper into oneness consciousness (where we could take ourselves). An accessible way to practice tapping into this consciousness right now is through meditation.
I remember one personal experience of being at a crossroads like this. It was the moment in my life that I needed meditation the most but did not know it yet. It was not related to financial crisis or familial loss however, I was deciding between remaining deeply unhappy in a work position or quitting that job and moving onto an uncertain path with only hopes of finding fulfillment. I was paralyzed with frustration and fear. On one hand, I was working at an organization with a very prestigious reputation—one that many people would have been more than happy to work for. On the other, I was dying for change but had no potential job prospects. I did not feel prepared to work for myself so I resorted to simply pushing through, but everything seemed to be going wrong. The work, although fairly simple, was unfamiliar and I found it challenging longer than the organization would have liked. I was frequently given the sense that I wasn’t a cultural fit. Not to mention, I was getting into severe emotional conflict with my direct supervisor on what felt like a weekly basis.
I began to hate going to work everyday. I felt worthless professionally, like an impostor who didn’t belong in the circle in which I found myself. Here I was, a 23-year old black woman with this amazing opportunity, but I felt as if I was squandering it. Once again, I forced myself to stay and keep going because of guilt and because of the work perks. It was when I finally got tired of going to the gym during my lunch break to cry in the sauna and also noticed that I was starting to lose my hair that I became determined to make a change, either within myself or to my work environment.
A friend of mine lent me one of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s books on mindfulness. I devoured it. I’d already been somewhat introduced to meditation through my mother, however getting acquainted with Kabat-Zinn’s focus on mindfulness and careful observation of the present moment was very impact-full for me. I started to use those moments at the gym to meditate (and work out) instead of cry. I tried to use different techniques to slow my thoughts down and stay in the moment whenever I became anxious about a deadline or meeting with my supervisor.
These practices worked for my overall wellness but were not a complete fix at work. Through mindfulness and meditation however, I realized that my experience at work was far more complex than I assumed. Over time, I really began to notice the power that these practices had on changing my perspective of the situation. I could now see the part I played in the conflicts that arose with my supervisor. I started to pay closer attention to mistakes that I did have the agency to correct. These improvements were extremely helpful for improving my overall experience, but it ultimately became clear why this position wasn’t a good fit and I finally felt less guilt about taking the risk of moving on.
Its because of recollections like this and the current circumstances in which we find ourselves that the importance of meditation cannot be overstated at Equilibrium. From my story and others like it, we can remind ourselves to resist squandering this important opportunity to get quiet. We must meditate on this moment, note how we fit into it and make a better decision about creating the future we want.
